Germany - high maintenance girls and wussy boys

Hi All those experts ...

My tinny little experience says, the German girls are , in general, little more high maintanence than other European/North American girls, and German boys are happy (or may be they have little choice ?) to act as wussies. Yes, I am not a Brad Pitt, but those who had not that much difficulty in their own cities to get a date, what do you think? Am I behaving paranoid here? Or is there a little bit of truth in it?

Just because a lot of German males like to live with their parents until they are like 560 years old does not make them a wuss, or does it?

Very fine line between "wussy" and "passive aggressive" often too. Can take time to spot it though.

Well, I 'd prefer "less of a cocky prick", but carry on you might have a point.

Keen observation there BluSky...most german dudes are pretty spineless (unless in a mass hysteria setting like a soccer frenzy). I'm sure there's a psychological white paper somewhere on this phenomena that can be perused, but who really cares? Bottom line, stare them down and they wilt like malnourished flowers.

Explain more about high maintenance German women, please. The men are wussies and do their bidding? Because they lived at home for so long and pleased their mothers? Or...?

Hi funf

When I said "high maintanence " , I meant that German girls (the typical blondes or at least 3-4 generation old Germans) are always seeming to give a serious "run for money" , when it comes to dating. They seem to like controlling the boy completely, and it seems like they are not used to see a boy not giving into their controlloing behaviour. I know what you are thinking, yes , I do know that it is normal that most times a girl will controls lot in the relation , but with a typical German girl, it seems that they are used to control the "whole" , and openly, and they are used to seeing their BFs going by that. I know what you are thinking, that if I am different, it might be sexy ...but at least my experience says that they get either scared or annoyed when they see a boy who is not giving in to their "high maintenance" behaviuor. OK, I should also admit that I am not a very smart or very good looking one, but I never am going for a "Britney Spears" either, and I generally did not have this type of feeling with non -German girls..

Huh? My experience is totally different - found a really nice Northern German girl & we are coming up to 20th anniversiary in November...

My German husband said he didn't like "typical German women", but he never elaborated why...

You have two options:

A) Be totally über-masculine and dominating: let them give you shit and then don't take it
B) Hope like hell you find some emo-loving Kraut girl. According to the last census there were at least three of them in the country.

High-maintenance girls are only high-maintenance because you let them be. If you're into being a doormat, fine. Just don't bitch about it.

woof.

Hmm, just a thought, but maybe the German girls think they need to control the guys because they have been such wusses? I think not making a big deal out of anyone's behavior, but just speaking up when you want your feelings to be taken into consideration, might be the way to go forward. Don't focus on their behavior, but just on the next step: Okay, I'm getting bitch behavior here but what I want is ____and so I'll ask for ____ to get that. Just keep heading forward, and not into argument zone, which is a twisty, turny loop-de-loop ride...Ha ha.

I tend not to take crap from people in general (doesn't matter what gender). I think I'm nice to an extent but definitely not one of those prissy bitch boys with no backbone who let chicks tell them what to do and call all the shots. I don't know about all German girls but I know this one German girl who's sorta shy and never really asks for anything from anybody whereas most chicks I know constantly bitch at me about their girly problems that I don't even give a damn about and demand stuff from guys that aren't even their boyfriends. Like, when you're in a relationship with somebody you're not supposed to take advantage of them or expect them to kiss your ass 24/7. Relationships and friendships in general are all about give and take. What's the point in having any type of relation with somebody when you're the only one who's doing all the giving? Fuck that. You do your part and I'll do mine.( If you were nice to me once, I'll do something 10 times nicer in return for your kindness )
It's like this; When a person doesn't constantly ask me for a lot of things, I find myself wanting to give a lot.

forget wussy boys, i want to know why a guy will spend all night hanging out with you, buying you drinks and THEN tell you about the girlfriend they have. The first question I ask them has to be that now.

I think I had a few problems with my current gf when I first moved over to Germany.

I am a very laid-back person, not a lot phases me and I tend to just get on with things. I moved to Berlin (unable to speak a word of German) and after 2.5 months my gf moved 1 hour south for a job. As I am laid-back, no problems - I got on with it.

The problem was (is at times) that my gf interprets laid-back for either a lack of interest or indecisiveness and at times just 'wussness'.

This is not the case and its a pain in the ass to have to get all assertive to stop her creeping over into that 'control' frame of mind. I am not sure if this is what the op is talking about, maybe the local girls take being laid-back as being weak.

Perhaps they feel they have to take over or some of them just assume they can. This will not apply to all I guess.

As BD says, High-maintenance girls are only high-maintenance because you let them be. If the girl in question seems to try to take over a lot then perhaps she is just not the right girl.

Being a girl and for the States, I have only one statement.

If you think these German girls are high maintenance, do not move and/or date most of girls from the States! Especially the Southern States! Florida, California, Texas!

The States seem to put an emphasis on money and looks! It is all about how you look. And I just, do not see that as much over here in Europe.

This is not everyone and I am generalizing, but there are a lot of girlfriends and people I know that can fall into this “high maintenance” category.

High maintenance US style - money

High maintenance DE style - everything from the toilet to lovers

I know a hot Finnish chic who absolutely loathes typical German chics for being pushy. I like ladies who like men and have little time for the other crows.

You are not paranoid and your observations are completely correct. In all fairness, obviously there are always exceptions to the rule though.

Also, as with all women, including German women, providing you stick to the following two corner stones in your relationship then everything else should fall into place.
Firstly never ever let a woman know or think that you are in any way influenced or concerned about what she thinks.
Secondly when the bitching gets too intense then just put her across your knee.

Naturally a relationship can exist without following these rules and if you are a masochist or a natural born wuss you may even find such an existence enjoyable - as German men do.

All women have their price

and all men have their weaknesses. I have met many with a weakness for women with high price tags.

Hi gentle_jim

"All women have their price" - I agree completely.

When I said high maintenance, I also meant that the price tag, in general, seems to be higher for women in Germany,compared to other EU or North/South American countries. And funny to me is that, I have never met a woman Professor in all Univesities I have been to, have seen very very few women in complicated jobs in the high tech companies or the research institutes that I worked...I think this is not the case in many other EU countries...So, they are in general going for the easier, smaller jobs, having fun all along..and still seem to demand high price tags .And from their behaviour I can attest that they are obviously getting the price in auctions , probably for centuries...There must be some reason for this...Are they more beautiful than other EU country girls? From my time in Stockholm , Romania , Italy or CZ, I actually cannot say that is the case either ):...And also, please dont think that I am generalising, I am simply talking about the general trends...Good Day...

I obviously have no clue as to what you guys are going on about, or these posts would make sense, right?

What's going on here? Lovers? They take control in the bedroom, they just want to control their lovers, or they want more lovers? Serious question. I'm not so interested in Toilet, but maybe that's interesting, too.

Hm. This was going someplace interesting, I think. So, what's the relation between wussiness and passive aggressive and/or cocky prick? So wussy they get passive aggresssive and/or think the world owes them something? Or???

What percentage of German guys do you think this covers?

Ta.

I find that German men are a bit more thoughtful. Whenever my German boyfriend's male friends visit us, they bring snacks and little gifts, and if they are staying over, they bring breakfast. Perhaps this is just my experience. Probably, since I'd be lucky if my boyfriend even brought a bag of flour home at the end of the day, but then again, he's not a typical kind of guy... My experience of women here is that they just really hate other women and like to steal each other's boyfriends. I think I'll stick to hanging out with blokes to be honest unless some lovely girls wish to prove me wrong.

Well, in my limited experience, there seem to be a lot more single women in their 40s in Germany than in the U.S. Lots of single women = more boyfriend stealers?

Not sure about high maintenance but many of the girls here think they're some sort of supermodel and flounce around the streets in their H&M rags like they're something special with an ice maiden scowl on like they saw on a catwalk on TV. Not attractive at all.

It *is* probably your limited experience - as in it's the company you keep. Try more male environments - any gym, local football match - or even just any cafe and you see loads and loads of single men - often frequenting a lot of these places because they don't have jobs.

I know loads of single German women and - trust me - most ain't after someone else's boyfriend.

I generally agree with the OP. German girls by and large are a real pain in the ass. I often couldn't get past the 3 month mark with any of them, before they just got to annoying and I broke up with them. I had nearly given up completely, then I met my current g/f and now I've never been happier.

So generally they're crap but there are always exceptions to the rule.

German dudes are often wussies. "Eierlose Arschloescher" to put it more succinctly...

This "thoughtfulness" of German men that CarlaG cited is actually a social rule rather than any personal thoughtfulness. You wouldn´t believe the repercussions when I visited my German dad and his wife without bringing her a bouquet of flowers...(how the hell was I supposed to know?)

I´m with you on this one HEM, me and my nice southern german girl have been together twelve years now.

I'll see your 12 and raise you 19

Goodbye Bluesky:

[Quote] And funny to me is that, I have never met a woman Professor in all Univesities I have been to, have seen very very few women in complicated jobs in the high tech companies or the research institutes that I worked...I think this is not the case in many other EU countries...So, they are in general going for the easier, smaller jobs, having fun all along..and still seem to demand high price tags [Quote]

Well, all I can say, Bluesky, is that you must be pretty young and have not worked too much; otherwise, I believe you would be more informed about women in the workforce.

Listed below are women if very powerful positions. They are the CEO’s of global, US-based companies, as listed in 2007:
1. eBay: Margaret C. Whitman
2. Xerox: Anne Mulcahy
3. PepsiCo: Indra Nooyi
4. Lucent: Patricia F. Russo
5. Western Union: Christina A. Gold

You have no clue about high-maintenance until you have lived on either coast of the United States-in looks, price tag or otherwise!

High maintenance is getting attention and what you do to get that attention!

Hi DandL,

Sorry for this mis-understanding. When I said I have never seen a Professor in University, or very few women in high tech companies, I meant "In Germany". If you read my lines, I actually meant that I have seen more % women in other EU countries in complicated jobs, than in Germany. I was in Sophia Antipolis some days back in one of our R&D centers, have seen quite many French girls working as engineers. How many do you find in Germany? The names you said, I offcourse know some of them (you forgot the ex HP CEO, what is her name again ?). But I think most of them are from USA , or are internatonal names, isnt it? I am at least sure about "PepsiCo: Indra Nooyi - She is Americal Indian, I am sure on that. And offcourse, there are always many many exceptions. My question was simply this , i was wondering what is the reason of this apparently very high price tag for German girls. Any info on this is very wellcome...And believe me, I would be very very happy if you can prove me wrong. I think I can give one reason for high price tag for local girls in Dresden - after re-unification, many of the young generation went to the west. And apparently more girls than boys did the migration and there are probably fewer girls than boys in the east. May be the chics here knows that info.. But what about the girls from other parts?

You are right on one thing though, I have been working only 5 years till now...So I will definitely see lot more in future...

...meaning of "High maintenance" is really difficult to explain. I tried in my own words before. Now I will like to add some more words on top of what ""horseshoe7" wrote as "Pain in the ass". Do you remember one line from Terry Hatcher in Desperate Houswifes , where she said to her daughter "Honey, I am crazy in a good, funny way. And she (dont remember who she was talking about) is crazy in a bad way ". Dont you agree that a crazy girl like Terry would be in general liked by all? This is true that Girls dont make sense, and it is to me sometimes a fun thing - as long as it is fun and within limits. Well, I found some of the German girls to be generally "not making sense" in a irritating, pushy way...

to funf

"High maintenance US style - money. High maintenance DE style - everything from the toilet to lovers"

I think what he wanted to mean is that a girl here likes controlling everything in life , even how the toilet should look like , or? I had this experience when I was living in a WG, with 1 German boy and 1 German girl . And I remeber how much she was trying to control on the WG, everything inside how things should work. obviusly we both left it after some months. I still remember her very good looking, Phd student BF, always following her like a pet cat...

Those who have found nice girls here, Congrats. There are obviuosly many couple here who are together for many many years. Obviuosly there are many nice girls here, hopefully some of us will find some of those nice ones someday...But offcourse my question was on the general trend...

I think it's Carly, right. Wasn't she also in the running to be Wacky John's sidekick?

Although she got the boot, I was impressed by the lass. Tough situation, though, although partly her own doing.

The question of control-freak wives (ex-wives I might add, two of them in fact) and girlfriends is one I have asked in great depth.

When marriage No 2 broke up I rather fell to pieces and decided to get professional help to put myself back together. I began in wuss mode. "It's all my fault, I should have done this, should have said that, gna, gna, gna..."

Big smile from the therapist.

"OK, before we do anything, I'd like you to get a bit more perspective on this. Remember, it ALWAYS takes two to tango."

A while later I returned.

"Yup, I got absolutely emotionally battered."

"Fine", says the therapist, "Now another question for you to ponder...ask yourself: 'Why do I stay in dangerous situations for too long?'"

That one took a while longer to answer. It meant re-visiting and analyzing experiences in the good old Family of Origin who were...control-freaks! Aha! Not only that, but they held the view that to make me a "better person", they should continually criticise and abuse, pointing out long lists of faults and failings. So, I take that shitty emotional legacy into the world and...get creamed by control-freaks, in relationships, in work, in self-image...

Hence the therapeutic answer to the question about meeting controlling women might be another question:

"What is it about me that attracts control-freaks?"

Happily, things do get better, but I find I still need to be somewhat vigilant about not slipping into "old programmes".

There's always this as a take on things (apologies if you've seen it before, it's been around for ages...

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

Being an au pair in 2 families I have noticed similar behaviour. The first is that the males are the "bread winners"... lotsa stay @ home mums here, the second is that the women nag, call the shots, and generally control everything. Then the men, do it! serve their wives coffee in the weekends, buy her flowers etc. at first I found this suburbian thing quite nice, but then the women get really mad when they dont get their way. The men, not satisfied with their lives and having too answer always to their mothers and wives and daughters, seek an outlet for the contempt they feel. this I noticed to be me, the au pair. If Im not doing something right, then its the end of the world! not because its a biggie, but because they need to have an outlet for their resentment.
I have also noticed form my generation and the younger generation of men here (mostly the turks and and africans- and no im not racist) a total disrespect for women. anything from a quick grab, to "hey baby's" etc. I once had a turkish man lean over and peer down my top on a subway!! the young german boys can also be quite disrespectful, in terms of pushing etc on a subway. Perhaps this is the different cultures or young german boys getting angry at seeing their fathers down trodden.
I also dated a german boy, and he was lovely, but then a friend brought me a beer and he got mad, possessive, jealous... so I dumped him. I dont need that shit, so maybe thats what he wimpy boys turn into...
My one German friend, treats her BF as a door mat too, and he seems to like it.
when I was first here, I was soooo easy going. now Im pushy, having to deal with shit from men when I go out, have been treated like crap from my host family because of high maintenence women and down trodden men, and would probably never date another german man again.
Im not saying that men should be overly masculine, but I dont like it when they do all the work in a relationship and are slaves to their house wives. its not normal... im staring to think, maybe a good ole rugby head kiwi bloke is what I want agin... :S

That's more or less it - but the bit about lovers I meant - a lot of German women seriously hate men and had a ton of affairs... I left my ex and suggested that she consider trying a chic. Even funnier than all that was whenever they fucked around on their men it was "because there was something wrong in the relationship or else it wouldn't have happened" but if the shoe was on the other foot (very very rare) the guy was basically was branded a Nazi paedophile...

I love Germany , tis a great place , I have a few German dood friends who stand up for themselves - my guess is that men here are taught to suppress their feelings - male kids are not allowed to horse around like other kids - even ice hockey is ridiculously sanitised - one of my Irish friends complains bitterly at how suppressed he considers German kids.

This is what I see. The German parents freak out when my 4 year old tries to "horse around" with their kids, you know, like normal boys do. The latest incident at the park... over nothing, but I stepped in and told my son to leave the girl alone. Well, it was a BOY. He was in a pink shirt, and long hair. How the hell was I supposed to know that was a boy?? Oh man... in America, you do NOT dress your boy in a pink shirt!!

NickyNZ you are wise beyond your years. I sincerely hope you find an occupation in life more challenging for your very astute mind.
Maybe you can find one of these wussie boys and milk him rotten – but some how I think this would be beneath you.

Sorry, but this makes no sense at all. So boys have to wear "manly" colours and get a short haircut (military style) in order to not be trodden over later in their life by all those controlling females?

BTW, it is hard to translate "high maintenance" into German (maybe "anspruchsvoll"). Now what does that tell us? That it is not an issue, or that German men are so wussy they don't even realise how "hight maintenance" women are?

uhhh... thanks?? no. using boys is definitely not my style, besides I don want to hinder some poor German girl in her quest for domination!
just as a side note.. the other day I was in H&M (just for a look!) and I noticed alot of the girls had their BFs with them... now that is def. a German thing. right?? taking your bf shopping is...torture for him and for you! haha

No RD, I was just agreeing that kids here seem to be wussified from early on. My son plays like a typical American boy, but here it seems that he is perceived as aggressive. Maybe if the boys were allowed to be more aggressive (regardless of what color they wear, LOL), they wouldn't let women walk all over them later in life.

And now, thanks to this thread, I am also miffed that my German husband isn't making me coffee in the morning nor bringing me flowers...

be a german... tell him to!!! haha
But seriously, at the risk of being completely ripped up, into, screamed at and pmed mean things... maybe thats why Germans like war! escape from their Housewives!! I was talking to my host dads dad the other day, who recently celerated his 50th anniversary and he said as he got out of the prison camp, he married his now wife " and it was like leaving one prison and going to another"!!! haha. poor man.

Its hard to translate 'docuhebag' into German, that doesn't mean I don't see them walking around with their feaux-hawk mullets on a daily basis...

Is this going to turn into another German-bashing thread? Or is it already?

I'm highly amused by this wussification theory. I also didn't know that we are living in a secret matriarchy in Germany (chancellor Angela Merkel being the exponent, just look at how she subjugated all her male party colleagues).

No thanks... I don't want to be German!

I am actually reading a book called Wonder of Boys, which is basically a call to bring back 'traditional' upbringing of boys. You know, let them play with swords and all that good stuff. Boys naturally ARE aggressive, and that should not be completely suppressed.

My 4 year old niece also likes to play being a pirate fighting with a (plastic) sword.

Does that mean your child will be getting a red ryder bb gun for christmas one of these years?

So did I. And I played with cars (STILL love cars, and offroading), shot real guns, played lots of sports, etc. I have 2 older brothers. But I am not a controlling wench. I think that militant feminism has ruined a lot of things, but that is for another thread, perhaps.