An ode to Oktoberfest

Puking on the roadside, or pissing in the gutter,
"Fucking alcoholic", "tramp", the passers-by they mutter.
Getting lary on the ubahn, shouting in the street,
passing out outside a kebab shop whilst you queue for stuff to eat.
Society don't like this shit, and thats a bloody fact,
but seemingly its all ok...if you are dressed in tracht.

You would never get away with it dressed in an England home kit,
But slip on some gay leather pants, and people say "ein prosit"
I like the beer, the cleavage too, I also like roast ox,
but leather shorts to me says "bent", and I'm afraid I don't like cocks.
C'mon people, Jesus H, get some proper grown up pants,
Not bloody shorts like little boys (unless you like some schwanz)

But shorts aside, Oktoberfest - it's really bloody strange,
This odd event, all set in tents, makes germans oddly change.
Let me impart my point of view, sit up and pay attention:
This debauchery is nothing more than pent up sexual tension.
Most of the year, the German lot are so straight and well behaved,
but come fasching or Oktoberfest, and it all becomes depraved.

I ain't saying its a bad thing, we all need to relax,
People work for cash all bloody week, and it all gets nicked in tax.
Really what I think I'm saying, is "why only once a year?"
Though with Germans all obsessed with health, perhaps its liver probs they fear.
Getting battered only annually? Dunno, maybe they're right.
But me, I'm English, and thus prefer, to do it every night.

absolutely brilliant !! needs to be adopted by the Wiesn committee and become the official TT anthem !

Thumbs Up !!

Awesome. You're my hero.

Big round of applause

Absolutely brilliant !!

Oooooh, can someone set that to music? It's abso-bobble-lutely brilliant!

Don's BEST post ever!

Excellent! Writing stuff like that is time much better spent than cleaning ovens.

Will pass this on to the dopes, maybe they can put it to music.

With your permission of course Don R

Nice one

A great summing up. Heres to getting battered more often!

Excellent but what is "schwanz"?

German slang for penis

Luvvin it! See you in the Schottenhammel on Tuesday sweetie!

The best post ever!

Excellent! Is this what you do for a living, Don?
Loved it

If I could make a living out of talking or writing complete shit, I'd be insanely rich

more than a few people are - give it a go!

Told ya lederhosen were geigh

a cook and a poet, oh my.

Yes, the man is apparently a bard of the breakfast too.

If he goes on like this I'll be wanting his children.

Do you mind!
I'm eating my breakfast and that is an image I could do without!

BTW, any genuine Debbie McGheys and heemas: Sunday, Schottenhammel, by the "Warme Küche".

Any preference as to how they should be cooked?

Yes, it is that time of year, it's come around again
And once more I find myself inspired, a little ode to pen.
The city centre's all clogged up, the ubahn's running late.
The town's awash with men in shorts, and pretty it sure ain't.
There's some lovely girls about, that's true, but for every one of them,
There's 25 old German dames, and 50 hairy men.

If you like this sort of thing, then fine, but I'll give it a miss,
When I'm drinking, then I do NOT want to queue to take a piss.
I'll drink some beer at home instead, where the toilet's always free,
and instead of fucking "wies'n hits" I'll stick on Sky TV.
"You're bloody antisocial", I'm sure some of you will scorn,
But whilst you letch at dirndl birds, I'll be watching PROPER porn.

Don- Now you've done it!!! you have to come over and clean off my monitor of coffee that I spewed reading your awesome post!!!
Lisl