Playing hard to get - Germany

I've just started dating some German chick, she seems quite cute and everything, but she can be inclined to send me a "I'm busy on *input day* so can't make it. But I can make it on *input other day here*, so take your pick." sms, every once in a while.

Normally I quite like the chase, but when girls play it hard to get, too often, then after some time I start thinking that she's got her head up her arse and it's probably not worth pursuing. Plus there are loads of single girls in Munich.

Of course, she could just be not interested, but if that was the case she could have just told me to fuck off by now (in the nicest possible way, of course). Any comments?

Haha, I read "I'm busy on *input day*" as being the day that you are supposed to get your end away. Figured I'm just not so familiar with the slang kids are using these days.

Maybe she is busy once in a while.

See other women so you can have someone else lined up when she is not available. This may also help you not to place to much importance on this one relationship. Definitely never give this one the impression that she has control.

I'd only say I was busy if I actually did have something else to do. But then I've been with the same person for ten years. He'd know if I was lying to him.

My guess is she's doing it on purpose. You can either go along with the game, up the stakes (oh, hey, I'm busy that day. How about this third day?) or else find someone who doesn't play power games.

Or if you like her then give her the benefit of the doubt.

Yes I agree. Though good quality Kraut can sometimes be a bit tricky to get a hold of, unless I strategically put myself in the nicer bars in Munich for going out to.

Yes, perhaps she just has a life. If she was always on-call and had nothing better to do than sit around waiting for you to ask her out, you think she was a loser.

if she was doing this regularly i think id just not bother suggesting anything and let her suggest from now on till you know better where you lie.
simple, no?

1) she knows you are interested
2) you have made the effort multiple times
3) 21st century totty, let them do the organising.

i think it sounds like youve done enough.

I think it rather depends upon how long you have been a "pair", and whether this is just a recent thing, or it has been this way all the time...
Though whatever, it´s still pretty tough for you to deal with - why not bring up the subject next time you actually get to meet, and see what she has to say? - then at least you´ll know one way or the other...

If she offers you an alternative right away, that's hardly playing hard to get. She is probably just actually busy. Maybe next time just leave the day open and ask about "next week" or something, then let her have her pick (and it may be possible that she picks a day that you are busy).

I am no fan of playing games in general. I find it dishonest, and while I realize everyone says you have to play hard to get, else the man will lose interest, that is a reality I really hope not to be true.

True!

Back in the day when I was single I never expected to meet any "good quality" men in bars .

Btw, maybe she has less time on her hands than you do. "Good quality" women are usually busy and are not too impressed by men who simply don't have an interesting life or something worthwhile to do.

Playing games is for kids, if you genuinely don't believe her then maybe you are better off out of it or you are just being insecure?

My mother told me the exact same thing. She's 57

Just to get this straight: in the six weeks, she's spent 2 weeks in Cuba. We've seen each other once to twice a week on average. It's not like I'm always so free either, though on nights like tonight it would have been perfect. I like been busy too, but been busy also means busy getting laid. I'm all for not rushing things, especially at the early stages, but any slower and I'm going to nod off, or walk away. Back to the drawing board?! Might just be the case.

...have you kissed her yet?

I don't kiss and tell *read: no*

You should remember that always the girl is the one who "chooses" the guy, no matter who made the first step.
Is she calling you every now and then? If it's one or more times a week then she is clearly interested. (not so true if she is basically answering missed calls from you)
But if you are receiveing only a few sms from her... then she probably thinks of you as a pal.

P.S.
Try not to suffocate her with to much attention 'cause nobody wants something that they can easily have anyway...

P.S. 2
As long as there is no clear relationship between you two, I don't see why you can't be "busy" with other girls to!

Edit:

I was 90% sure you didn't ! But with a bit of patience you'll get there.

Yeah, my mother told me the same thing too. Sometimes good advice can stand the test of time.

Anyway, you said you've "been busy getting laid" why do you need someone else? The one you're laying is not "good quality" enough?

From the read of your comments I'm just wondering, are you smokin' crack again?

Hmmm...I'm not too sure I agree with that- you're telling me that you, and men in general, never dump women? Guys choose girls just as much as girls choose guys.

She doesn't phone at all, but she sends me massive e-mails, like a few times a week. In fact, I found that a bit freaky?! Maybe she's a bit mad, like the rest of them.

Don't get me wrong, I was never looking for advice on how to handle this, just comments on the whole 'playing hard to get' thing. Games like these are just weird. I havn't stopped looking and sharking either when i'm not out with her, so of course I'm not putting all my eggs into one basket. Besides, I never stop looking anyway even when in a relationship, though I still behave myself.

This reads like a diary entry of a teenager.

I'm 13

From the content of your comments that's definitely not difficult for me to fathom.

Actually, I was thinking maybe you're younger than that .

Well some women DO have a life and some women pretend to have a life. Maybe she has a life and she has her scheduled meetups with her friends, relatives or even with her local sports team?


Not really. Maybe she wants to meet up with her friends on the same day you suggest to meet up? I am NOT going to cancel my personal appointments and arrangements because of some guy I barely know. And the whole "spontaneous date" thing is highly annoying for me, I never go for them.


Are you talking about me? I am not a SMS or phone fan unless I need to make an appointment. I do send emails like few times a week to the men I like. But you won't find me chasing down men. I mean it should be natural, no should be chasing anyone, it should flow. If you feel this relationship is not flowing, then kill it.
You should go have coffee or drinks with other women you like anyways. It's too early to decide if you want to exclusively date this girl.

What I'm thinking is she's just not that into you. You said in an earlier comment she sent you many emails.
Her sending you emails and actually spending one on one face time are definitely two distinct ways to interact in developing a relationship. Don't misconstrue that she's interested in you because she's sending you all those emails.

She's probably "been busy getting laid" just like you have. What I've read so far it seems like your social dance with this woman is kind of awkward. She probably doesn't want to spend time with you and you think she's playing hard to get.

This is what I'd suggest, send her an email, call her, or SMS and let her know you would like to see her when she has time. Then after you've done that stop all communications until she contacts you and ask to see you.

Perhaps, you should heed some of your mother's advice and also go back and ask your mother to help you understand more about women in general and dating in particular .

Everyone to some extent pretends to have a life. Go on, admit it. We all tell our friends and colleagues from time to time "yeah, I can't do this because I've got that on" but very few people are busy all the time. Nevertheless, I would cancel an appointment or personal arrangement with a really hot woman with loads of potential mostly at the drop of a hat, even if I did barely know her, but of course I'd never let on that fact (go on, admit it, most people would do too).


The chasing is great fun, and when you get what you want it's even better, though when a woman chases a guy it's different. I find it a little bit off-putting actually. Needless to say, women shouldn't turn into an ice-maiden-bitch and show no interest, because that'll just send the wrong signals to us men and eventually will just fuck off, with our egos slightly dented.

Humm. I am not sure about that. Maybe some people have more free time on their hands?
I wouldn't cancel let's say my squash game or some other personal appointment for a hot man. Why should I? What's the rush? Is someone running away?

Trust me, nothing's been misconstrued here, she's interested.

As for been busy getting laid, she's just spent 2 weeks in Cuba with her Freund

So how do you know she's interested in a teenager ?

oh her Freund... how nice. So you want to be her lover on the side?

This is digressing fast.

So let me make sure I correctly understand what's going on here. Crack Cocaine you're interested in a woman who doesn't take the time to see you. Yet this same woman has recently been to the Caribbean for two weeks with another man and you're still interested in her and you think she's also interested in you. Despite the fact this woman does not make any time to see you?

Jeezus, the naivete of youth!!!

I didn't know she had a boyfriend.

If she is telling you that she has a boyfriend, she

a- trying to make you jealous so you compete with her man
b- telling you indirectly that she is already getting laid
c- is probably wondering if you are better in bed then her boyfriend so she is thinking about it
d- maybe does not really have a boyfriend but is trying to signal you that she only settles down for serious relationhips

Conclusion: Women are complicated creatures, men are simple creatures.

lol

We've been out about 3 times, and she wants to 'see' my new place at some point this week.

The guy was 'just a friend' apparently, as they were visiting a mutual friend in Cuba.

If she's telling you she has a boyfriend, she is

e: telling you indirectly it's best for you to go and stick your snout up some other dress.

Women who are "complicated creatures" with some sort of alterior motive to impress men will inevitably be disappointed in life.

FFS, why can't people just go out and live life? Go out and do what you want you want to... if you're busy on that particular night and some guy wants to go out with you... f-ing reschedule it. I can't imagine planning my week around whether or not some guy was potentially available or not. If a guy can't deal with you having your own social life, then fuck him. He should aim for a trophy wife/gf, who's at your beck and call.

Just a friend? She is a player.


Right on!

Sure, "just a friend". A friend with fringe benefits. Don't be so gullible.

I've been away with girls with nothing taking place, why not?

I believe her actually. He doesn't even live in Bavaria.

Besides, I don't want to marry this girl. Though a player, she could be...

I've travelled to far and distant places with men who I said were "just friends" and on the trip spent quite a bit of time just bunking.

Bingo. Screwbuddies or Shagfriends whatever you want to call them don't live close to each other, cause this is how they keep distance from each other so it does not evolve into a relationship. Welcome to the real world.

Crack_Cocaine, me and Lavender Rain; two women are telling you she is a player. What's your gut feeling?

Just goes to show what trusting souls we men are doesn't it?

For you Crack_Cocaine. Sing along, "oh baby you got what I need but you tell me that he is just a friend"

Just a friend, Biz Markee

I used to have a French fuckbuddy for a few months in the next street, and...oh shit, wait, hang on a minute...we started off in a relationship too. Maybe you're right.

My gut feeling is: 1. she's not a player and she is interested, and 2. I'm not been naive. I'm telling you, I've slept in the same bed as a woman before and not done anything. Usually after 10 pints of larger.

Distant Lover Marvin Gaye




There's absolutely no way he could possibly be her lover since he doesn't even live in Bavaria .

This is hilarous! Crack_cocaine this comment rates up there with being one of the most laughable and naive on TT .

Stop pissing about and try it on.If she goes for it well done, if she does not then accept the fact and move on.Life is too short for messing around spending too much time on running after things that may not happen.The way you keep going on it would seem you really fancy the woman in question.As they say down saaath get in there my son

next time yous are out, just tell her straight that you fancy her and what's the score, does she want to get it on.
if not move on and find another hot chick you've more access to.

You can't have a lover if he doesn't live in Bavaria?

I'd better tell mine asap. He'll be terribly disappointed.

So if you haven't kissed her, and she spent two weeks in Cuba shagging some guy, and she's always putting you off, it seems to me like she's sending out maybe a subtle signal or two.

Just try to kiss her. If she's into it that's awesome. If she isn't then move on.

yep

Agree with the last 4 posters. Stop dicking about, tell her to show you some respect and ask her what she is really thinking about you.

this ain't freaky. this is the new mode of communication. i love to write e-mails and text messages. i really hate using the phone and talking to people on them.


this is very German to go on vacation with "just a friend". it used to drive me nuts with all my exes. it's perfectly normal. so if she says just a friend, then trust her. anyhow, she's not your girlfriend, so it is irrelevant anyhow.

also, Germans have a different concept to friendship. so if you have not yet made the moves, for all you know, she just wants to be friends. i have this really good friend right now and the other night we were talking about our first "date" and I told him i hadn't been out on a dates for like forever and how nervous i was and all and he was like "i didn't think it was a date. i just thought you were an interesting woman and so thought it would be nice to have dinner."